How to Photograph Your Puppy

1.    Remove film from box and load camera

2.    Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

3.    Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle

4.    Choose a suitable background for photo

5.    Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus

6.    Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth

7.    Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera

8.    Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9.    Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand

10.  Get tissue and clean nose print from lens

11.  Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose

12.  Put magazines back on coffee table

13.  Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head

14.  Replace your glasses and check camera for damage

15.  Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say - "NO, NO, OUTSIDE !"

16.  Call spouse to help clean up the mess

17.  Fix a drink

18.  Sit back in chair, put your feet up, sip your drink and resolve to teach puppy "sis" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

By Anonymous

Treat Me Kindly

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is
more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.
Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your
hand between blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly
teach me the things you would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice s the world's sweetest music, as
you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsteps
fall upon my ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a
domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements.  And I ask no
greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the
hearth.  Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice
and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all
the land, for you are my God and I am your worshiper.
Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not
reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer from thirst,
Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do yout
bidding, to walk by your side, and to stand ready, willing and able to
protect you with my life should your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me
of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you.  Rather hold me
gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of
eternal rest -- and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I
drew, my fate was ever in your hands.

By Beth Norman Harris

An Irish Blessing

May you have the hindsight

to know where you have been,

And the foresight to know

where you are going,

And the insight to know

When you have gone too far.

An Irish Blessing  for you at  Easter time

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane; 

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you. 

Almost As Good As Your Dog

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,

If you can give love unconditionally without pressure or expectation,